As a nurse on a postpartum unit, I care for women and their newborn babies in the immediate hours and days after delivery. It is a beautiful time to witness a family fall in love with their newborn baby. I thrive on the opportunity to be a supportive member of the mother’s team as she heals from birth. I have the honor and privilege of being the first to call when new parents have questions about feeding, burping, diaper changing, or the real challenge to all new parents… swaddling. Whether it is their fourth or fifth child, or their first, every birth and postpartum period is special, and I consider myself incredibly blessed to be a part of this life changing experience for families.
Part of my daily job as a postpartum nurse is to receive report, or “hand-off”, from the nurse caring for patients prior to my shift, as well as provide this report on patients to the oncoming nurse when it is time for my shift to end. In obstetrics nursing, one of the first details we discuss about a patient is their “gravida” and “para” status, also known as “G & P”. “G” stands for gravida, which is the number of pregnancies a woman has had. “P” stands for para, which is the number of live births a woman has had (successful pregnancies that resulted in a living child). This G & P status usually follows the patient’s name and age as one of the most important medical details in this report, as the physical and emotional care for a new, first-time mother, or G1P1 (one pregnancy and one live birth) requires a little extra TLC and education compared to a seasoned G4P4 (four pregnancies and four live births). We say this G & P status so routinely and move on with the additional details of our report, however, I cannot help but stop, reflect, and feel for the mother when I see that these two numbers do not add up.
When the gravida does not match the para, this means the mother has experienced a loss in the past. When we first start to try and grow a family, it is lost on us that our G’s perhaps may not match our P’s. We assume that our gravida status will match our para status, because pregnancies lead to babies... right? What we don’t know is that more times than not, as I see every day in my work as a postpartum nurse, these G’s & P’s are rarely a perfect mirror image of each other.
One in four women experience pregnancy loss. Whether it is a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, or a late term stillborn, these mothers have experienced a pregnancy that did not result in a living, breathing child and they are left with empty arms. It is not uncommon for me in my work as a nurse to care for a G3P1, or a G6P5, or even a G10P2. I myself am a G4P1 mama. I know, understand, and feel the pain of these numbers not aligning, and I want you to know that I see you and I feel for you when I know these numbers do not add up for you as well.
In the early hours after your delivery, as your nurse, I share in the joy and excitement that you are experiencing when looking into that sweet face that came from your womb just moments before. I soak in the love filling the room and I applaud you for a job well-done. We may not speak of your past, your loss, or your trauma, and we may not ever acknowledge it at all together in your time with me as your nurse. But, I want you to know that when I see those numbers, I silently salute you, pray for you, and feel for you, when it comes to the babies that you did not get to hold. My heart fills with joy to watch you bond with your newborn, but my heart also recognizes and holds space for all that you experienced to get here.
In a perfect world, all of our G’s would match our P’s, but we know all too well that life is not a perfect, painless ride. So many of us are searching, working, and praying for that rainbow after the storm, the P to our G. Even when that rainbow is here, despite your gratitude, sometimes you feel the sting of what was lost before. Please know that if you ever need to speak of, reflect, pray, or hold a silent moment to acknowledge your past loss, even while holding your beautiful new baby, your nurse is there to listen to you, support you, and aide in your healing in more ways than one. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your story and for humbling me each and every day.
With Love,
Your Postpartum Nurse
If you or someone you know is in need of support after pregnancy loss or through infertility, please feel free to contact us via our website.
If you are interested in participating in a virtual support group via zoom, please fill out the survey below.
Would you be interested in participating in a regularly scheduled virtual support group for pregnancy loss and infertility?
Yes!
No, thank you
Image from Alexander Grey via Unsplash